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“When you’re tempted to lose patience with someone,

think about how patient God has been with you.”

Patience. It’s hard. Especially as a mom. Maybe not all mom’s… I’m convinced my own mom is made entirely up of love, patience and gentleness. So some moms excel at this patience stuff. Me? Pshh. I try, it's a work in progress, some days are successful, some days are a struggle. I hit mom-lows a few times throughout the week, where I feel like I'm constantly fighting an uphill battle. I didn't put her shoes on right, or she asked for cereal but really wanted a waffle, or I chose the wrong color chair for her to sit in to eat, or her feet are itchy today.... The battles of everyday life with a toddler that eventually start to chip away at your patience and make you question your sanity. Some weeks are a cake walk, other weeks are a nightmare. Some weeks you are super mom and some weeks you don't leave the house for 3 straight days. We all have mom-highs and mom-lows.

But anyway, I saw this quote on Pinterest and I had to save it. It’s on my phone. It’s an effort on my part to put the moment in perspective when I'm in one of those toddler battles. And to remember how frustrating I have been to others in my own life. To so many people, including our ultimate Forgiver. I repeat this quote in my head several, SEVERAL times throughout my bad days. It's kind of like my weapon of choice to combat negative emotions. But repeating the words and following through with actions… in those moments of complete frustration, embarrassment, anger… that doesn’t always happen. Or it does, but after I’ve reacted in a not so patient way.

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A couple days ago I was determined to mark a few things off my “to-do-list before Christmas”. I knew it was a gamble, we would need to hit Walmart, Target, AND Michael’s back-to-back-to-back. But they were quick trips! (Yes, y’all even in Target J )

I felt like we were prepared. It was early, we were well-rested, and our bellies were full. We discussed plans for the day before we left the house. (And my daughter comprehends quite a bit for a 2-year old.) So we went through the spill: “First eat breakfast. Watch 1 Paw Patrol. Go to 3 stores. Come home. Naptime. And Ady day the rest of the day!” She had it down and the way she recited it in the car had me feeling confident! I was even more confident when my child HELD MY HAND in the parking lot without debate or flailing. #winning

We made it through Walmart, easy. We stayed in the food section. Got in, got out. Confidence was rising.

But Michael’s… Michael’s and their need to have Santa figurines and little decorative houses at toddler level. And this particular day, my toddler needed.to.stop.and.touch.every.single.one. Momma adrenaline started going.

To poke the bear or not to poke the bear? To toddler lag through the store, or prompt to move at a faster pace? I softly poked the bear. Play her game for a bit and maybe she'll be a little more forthcoming to pick up the pace.

“C’mon Ady. Yes, I see Santa! Yes, baby, I see that Santa too. Wow, I see that purple Santa over there!” Fast forward to 47 Santas later (but not really because we are at toddler paced Santa counting)… we get our things and get into line. Success! – Not quite. Michael’s has put packaged 3 foot tall ornaments along the side of the check-out line. GENIUS! I think not. Stacked side-by-side and tall enough to wobble back and forth with a soft touch. Oh boy. Blood pressure and heartbeat start to rise as I eyeball these boxes and the length of the checkout line. Annnnd yep, there it is, right on cue. Down they go. You've gotta be kidding me...

I feel the blood creep slowly to my face, which makes me blush and fumble around even more. I’m sweating now. I’m frustrated. I’m picking up rectangular packages of ornaments while attempting to corral Ady into a “safe-zone” aka between the soda machine and the woman in front of us, and juggle our basket and bags. Of course NOW the line starts to move and it’s our turn to check out. Time tends to pass so quickly at the most inconvenient times… I’ve wrangled up my belongings, including my kid, and make it to sliding my card for the purchase. “I push the button, Mommy?” “No, this isn’t the right card for tha-“….

And the bear roars.

Noodle meltdown. You know, where your kid loses all sense of motor control and melts slow-motion-style into a limp noodle? “Push a buttoooooooonnnnnnnnn!” She wails. I pretend like I’m not phased at all by this. Brush it off, act natural, people won’t stare… But we all know they stare harder.

And of course my cashier seems oblivious to my turmoil, chatting and asking if I would like my 4 candles individually wrapped. NO. Well, it can’t get worse…

Ha! Challenge accepted! There goes my child running for the DOOR. She’ll stop. She won’t go out the door. She’s never done this before. I redirect, call her name 1, 2, 3xs.

She stops, only to look at me and take off through the door. I catch her before she hits the 2^nd door (THANK YOU to whoever decided 2 doors were a necessity). And the toddler typhoon continues throughout the parking lot… I finally get screaming, flailing toddler buckled in, bag in the car, and quickly jump in to shut out the world. My quote from above was left behind in Michael’s at this point and I lose it. Something I hate to admit to anyone, let alone write about. I yell and fume, making her more upset. But in that moment I WANTED control.

Kelly… Control is not out yelling or out doing negative behavior. But I was done. I even yelled that: “I’M DONE!” I yelled a lot, some of it made sense, some of it was a bunch of rambling. Word vomit. But all of it was anger. And ugly. And it was over in a minute. And I was left looking at my 2-year-old and her trembling lip. Well, I’m crap.

I got to sit and stew in the after emotions – your internal guilt and where you question your ability to be a mom and why you ever even left the house in the first place. And those stupid tears erupt. I sat for a few minutes until I was interrupted by a little voice: “Mommy, you happy? You no need be sad, Mommy.” I can't help but smile. She grins and kicks her legs to show her delight. All was right in her world, as long as Mommy was happy.

How easily kids forgive and move on. Kind of like our God. He is forgiving. He doesn’t keep tallies or score. He just keeps right on loving us, unconditionally. F is for Forgiveness.

I think our children are such a neat picture to describe how God works. We push and pull, demand and question, fight and ignore, seek full control… and yet He still remains. We focus on OUR schedules, OUR timelines, OUR plans, OUR to-do-lists… and when things go array, or aren’t the way we imagined we become angry. Pointing fingers, yelling, and blaming Him.

Patience. It’s hard.

Have you tried praying about it? Asking for help? It’s a game changer people. You can't do it all on your own all the time. So pray about it. Because you’re asking for a teammate in this crazy life of Momhood. A steadfast teammate. I did and I found that silly quote up there. But it spoke to me and stuck with me, and it’s been helping. Sometimes I end my day thanking God for the patience I had, and some days I’m begging Him to help me be more patient for the next. But I’m feeling His presence because I’m asking for His help.

For those wondering, we did have a successful trip to Target after our Michael’s fiasco. That secret quote ran through my mind – it literally came across like one of those scrolling billboards in my head - When you’re tempted to lose patience with someone, think about how patient God has been with you. This Mommy took a break in the car. I realized we had been on the go 3 days in a row now and all Adelyn had requested to do today was “Play toys with Mommy.” So we reviewed our plan for the remainder of the day and agreed we could both do better at the next and LAST store. And play toys right after. And we did.

We aren’t perfect. There isn’t a perfect person out there or a perfect parent. With the popularity of social media today we all fall guilty of portraying a "perfect" life. Perfect mom, perfect wife, perfect kids, perfect toys, perfect house, perfect decor, perfect friend, perfect job, perfect style, perfect hobbies... Perfect doesn't exist. So stop searching for perfection. Reach for qualities like patience, determination, strength, love, hard work, effort, kindness, thoughtfulness, forgiveness, trust. Pray for those qualities in yourself and those around you. Perfect people, perfect parents, don't exist. But there are millions and millions of good ones out there! People who want to be good and see good and teach good and feel good. Moms, be patient with yourselves, and your kids, and life. And forgive yourself in those not so great Mom moments, the ones you would NEVER share on IG or Facebook. Recognize that we all have our moments, our days, where we just want to shout (or do shout): “I’M DONE!” Forgive yourself like your child does, like our God does. And then be willing to stop and listen. And ask for help every once in awhile. It doesn’t make you weak, it keeps you sane!