This little light of mine.

Have you ever watched home videos from when you were a kid? Or look back at old pictures from years and years ago? It’s one of my favorite things to do when I go to my parents’ house. They saved EVERYTHING from our childhood. Toys, horrible DIY crafts, clothes, report cards, pictures, classic Disney VHS tapes… they have it all. The videos have to be my favorites though. Watching your younger self not have a care in the world. Whether it was performing songs, wrestling in the WWF, teaching 3^rd grade stuffed animals, playing dollhouse or Ninja Turtles… Sometimes you were fully dressed, sometimes you dressed yourself, sometimes you were in your underwear. It didn’t matter. You were happy, carefree, proud, confident, and it was so contagious.

I watch my daughter as she takes her first steps into the land of imagination. Where she can be anything, do anything, ANYTHING is possible. And as I struggled to come up with what to write on this post, I scrolled through my camera roll on my phone. Adelyn contributes to 99% of the videos and pictures I take. Typical Mom, right? And I get inspired by her. Her confidence in play, in belting out songs off key with the wrong words (see latest IG post), her delight in “wiggling”, her joy and happiness, the uniqueness, her curiosity, the quirky way she pronounces words… all of it just makes my Mommy heart warm. Like she’s re-lit a little light of my own. That little light from my childhood. That light of complete joy, hope, innocence, love, and pride in all you do. This little light of mine. That's what she is for me.

Have you heard that song? If not, here’s a line from a childhood Sunday School song I learned and performed in front of my church years ago:

This little light of mine,
I'm gonna let it shine
This little light of mine,
I'm gonna let it shine
This little light of mine,
I'm gonna let it shine
Let it shine,
Let it shine,
Let it shine.

So what happens to our light? What happens to the magic of life, of enjoying, of imagination, hope, confidence, happiness? The simple answer is life happens. Life gets hard. Life is hard.

As we get older, the light of joy, innocence, love and pride slowly gets dimmer. We begin to encounter challenges, and often fail. We lose loved ones in death, friends and relationships because of disagreements. We face darkness. We are criticized, ridiculed, denied, lied to… We encounter some form of hate, anger, jealously, greed, bitterness, and it’s a lot for this little light of mine to fight against. And who takes advantage of all the darkness, the negativity, the hate? Remember the next line of the song...

Don't let Satan blow it out,
I'm gonna let it shine
Don't let Satan blow it out,
I'm gonna let it shine
Don't let Satan blow it out,
I'm gonna let it shine
Let it shine,
Let it shine,
Let it shine.

Satan tries his best to work his way in and blow out that last little flicker of hope. 

For most of us, our light is still shining, but a lot of times it's a tiny, weak flame. We're exhausted and just trying to keep our heads above water. We're not quite sure how to reignite the flame. Or the idea of actually letting that light shine is terrifying. Can you guess why? Here’s a hint… it starts with F… Fear.

Hide it under a bushel? No!
I'm gonna let it shine
Hide it under a bushel? No!
I'm gonna let it shine
Hide it under a bushel? No!
I'm gonna let it shine
Let it shine,
Let it shine,
Let it shine.

Fear of saying/doing the wrong thing. Fear of embarrassment. Fear of losing relationships. Fear of being labeled. Fear of opinions. Fear of offending someone. Fear of being questioned, doubted. Fear of rejection. Fear of not being enough. Fear of losing. Fear of uncertainty. 

Do you want to know what has made me want to be braver? My daughter. Do you want to know who influences me the most to shine my light? My daughter. Why? Because she is a light. She makes me forget that our world can be so dark, and that people can be so ugly to each other. Children are a light.

So here's a challenge: Use the little light God has given you, your child, and choose to shine BRIGHTER.

What do I mean by that? By being joyful. Being thankful. Being grateful. For life, for others, for moments, for memories… as often as you can. Being the best representation of positivity: kindness, happiness, love, helpfulness, support, praise… despite what the world is doing. Hide it under a bushel? NO! Let it shine!

Let it shine through a simple act of kindness.

SIMPLE.

My church has been discussing a movement called Promote Grace for the last few months. It’s a neat way to share God in a subtle, comfortable, unique way. An awesome way to shine your light. I know when I hear the words “share the word of God” – fear immediately creeps in. That means I have to approach someone, speak to them… I don’t know what to say. They don’t want to hear what I have to say. What if they ask me a question and I don’t know how to answer it? I don’t want to push God at someone. I’m not the person to do this…  Hide it under a bushel, right? 

The Promote Grace movement is a great way to avoid all those fears and doubts! And allow those who aren’t so confident to be able to share God with others. It’s a way to shine your light to others. The gesture/act shines the light and the #promotegrace card shares God’s word. Still not confident to do it solo? Involve your brightest light, your child.

This video shows #promotegrace in action with members from our church.

And here’s a link to the Promote Grace website (the link that is hashtagged and listed on the card itself).

Shining your light is limitless!

We put together goodie bags for the mailman, garbage man, and the “gate guys” on our base, taping Promote Grace cards to several items in each bag. Maybe the card went straight to the trash, maybe it was shared with someone else, or maybe they took interest in the website. I’ll never know. But it was a pretty awesome feeling to explain the plan with Adelyn, to shine our light, help her pass out bags and, hear her little voice say “Merry Christmas” so confidently. She has no fear, that little light of mine. 

Maybe the stranger won’t be phased by your efforts, but what kind of impact does it have on you or your child when you gladly shine your light? I'll tell you what it did for me. It feeds that light, helping it grow and spread. It gives you those warm and fuzzies: hope, love, happiness, etc, etc, etc. 

Promote Grace. You don’t believe in God? You don’t go to church? You aren’t a Christian? --- then be a light by promoting kindness in your own way. By spreading happiness. By teaching thankfulness. All of these acts are contagious and can be used as kindling to your own light, someone else's, spreading to an entire family, through your community.

Re-watch those home videos, re-light that flame from when you were a kid, that light of contagious happiness. Shine your light, whatever light you choose to shine – the light of our God, the light of happiness, the light of music, the light of love, the light of hope,  – just beam a light of positive acts and encouragement! And teach your children to not be ashamed of sharing happiness and love with others. Our world has enough darkness, despair, hate, and anger. Be a light.

We will be visiting with family over the next few weeks, so my posts may be sporadic. I’ll attempt to blog at least 1x/week, but my main focus is to be present during our time together. In the mean time, if you pray, keep this Momma in mind as I fly solo with a toddler and a dog for the first time ever. I’m already an anxious Mom as is, add in traveling, crowds, unfamiliar areas, and only 2 hands… and let’s just say I could be on the brink of a very public, hot mess of a meltdown! Enjoy your weekend and don’t forget to shine at someone ;)

And in case I miss y'all for Christmas ---

-Kelly

Always we begin again.

“When you’re tempted to lose patience with someone, 

think about how patient God has been with you.”

Patience. It’s hard. Especially as a mom. Maybe not all mom’s… I’m convinced my own mom is made entirely up of love, patience and gentleness. So some moms excel at this patience stuff. Me? Pshh. I try, it's a work in progress, some days are successful, some days are a struggle. I hit mom-lows a few times throughout the week, where I feel like I'm constantly fighting an uphill battle. I didn't put her shoes on right, or she asked for cereal but really wanted a waffle, or I chose the wrong color chair for her to sit in to eat, or her feet are itchy today.... The battles of everyday life with a toddler that eventually start to chip away at your patience and make you question your sanity. Some weeks are a cake walk, other weeks are a nightmare. Some weeks you are super mom and some weeks you don't leave the house for 3 straight days. We all have mom-highs and mom-lows. 

But anyway, I saw this quote on Pinterest and I had to save it. It’s on my phone. It’s an effort on my part to put the moment in perspective when I'm in one of those toddler battles. And to remember how frustrating I have been to others in my own life. To so many people, including our ultimate Forgiver. I repeat this quote in my head several, SEVERAL times throughout my bad days. It's kind of like my weapon of choice to combat negative emotions. But repeating the words and following through with actions… in those moments of complete frustration, embarrassment, anger… that doesn’t always happen. Or it does, but after I’ve reacted in a not so patient way. 

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A couple days ago I was determined to mark a few things off my “to-do-list before Christmas”. I knew it was a gamble, we would need to hit Walmart, Target, AND Michael’s back-to-back-to-back. But they were quick trips! (Yes, y’all even in Target J )

I felt like we were prepared. It was early, we were well-rested, and our bellies were full. We discussed plans for the day before we left the house. (And my daughter comprehends quite a bit for a 2-year old.) So we went through the spill: “First eat breakfast. Watch 1 Paw Patrol. Go to 3 stores. Come home. Naptime. And Ady day the rest of the day!” She had it down and the way she recited it in the car had me feeling confident! I was even more confident when my child HELD MY HAND in the parking lot without debate or flailing. #winning 

We made it through Walmart, easy. We stayed in the food section. Got in, got out. Confidence was rising.

But Michael’s… Michael’s and their need to have Santa figurines and little decorative houses at toddler level. And this particular day, my toddler needed.to.stop.and.touch.every.single.one. Momma adrenaline started going.

To poke the bear or not to poke the bear? To toddler lag through the store, or prompt to move at a faster pace? I softly poked the bear. Play her game for a bit and maybe she'll be a little more forthcoming to pick up the pace. 

“C’mon Ady. Yes, I see Santa! Yes, baby, I see that Santa too. Wow, I see that purple Santa over there!” Fast forward to 47 Santas later (but not really because we are at toddler paced Santa counting)… we get our things and get into line. Success! – Not quite. Michael’s has put packaged 3 foot tall ornaments along the side of the check-out line. GENIUS! I think not. Stacked side-by-side and tall enough to wobble back and forth with a soft touch. Oh boy. Blood pressure and heartbeat start to rise as I eyeball these boxes and the length of the checkout line. Annnnd yep, there it is, right on cue. Down they go. You've gotta be kidding me...

I feel the blood creep slowly to my face, which makes me blush and fumble around even more. I’m sweating now. I’m frustrated. I’m picking up rectangular packages of ornaments while attempting to corral Ady into a “safe-zone” aka between the soda machine and the woman in front of us, and juggle our basket and bags. Of course NOW the line starts to move and it’s our turn to check out. Time tends to pass so quickly at the most inconvenient times… I’ve wrangled up my belongings, including my kid, and make it to sliding my card for the purchase. “I push the button, Mommy?” “No, this isn’t the right card for tha-“….

And the bear roars.

Noodle meltdown. You know, where your kid loses all sense of motor control and melts slow-motion-style into a limp noodle?  “Push a buttoooooooonnnnnnnnn!” She wails. I pretend like I’m not phased at all by this. Brush it off, act natural, people won’t stare… But we all know they stare harder.

And of course my cashier seems oblivious to my turmoil, chatting and asking if I would like my 4 candles individually wrapped. NO. Well, it can’t get worse…

Ha! Challenge accepted! There goes my child running for the DOOR. She’ll stop. She won’t go out the door. She’s never done this before. I redirect, call her name 1, 2, 3xs.

She stops, only to look at me and take off through the door. I catch her before she hits the 2^nd door (THANK YOU to whoever decided 2 doors were a necessity). And the toddler typhoon continues throughout the parking lot… I finally get screaming, flailing toddler buckled in, bag in the car, and quickly jump in to shut out the world. My quote from above was left behind in Michael’s at this point and I lose it. Something I hate to admit to anyone, let alone write about. I yell and fume, making her more upset. But in that moment I WANTED control.

Kelly… Control is not out yelling or out doing negative behavior. But I was done. I even yelled that: “I’M DONE!” I yelled a lot, some of it made sense, some of it was a bunch of rambling. Word vomit. But all of it was anger. And ugly. And it was over in a minute. And I was left looking at my 2-year-old and her trembling lip. Well, I’m crap. 

I got to sit and stew in the after emotions – your internal guilt and where you question your ability to be a mom and why you ever even left the house in the first place. And those stupid tears erupt. I sat for a few minutes until I was interrupted by a little voice: “Mommy, you happy? You no need be sad, Mommy.” I can't help but smile. She grins and kicks her legs to show her delight. All was right in her world, as long as Mommy was happy.

How easily kids forgive and move on. Kind of like our God. He is forgiving. He doesn’t keep tallies or score. He just keeps right on loving us, unconditionally. F is for Forgiveness. 

I think our children are such a neat picture to describe how God works. We push and pull, demand and question, fight and ignore, seek full control… and yet He still remains. We focus on OUR schedules, OUR timelines, OUR plans, OUR to-do-lists… and when things go array, or aren’t the way we imagined we become angry. Pointing fingers, yelling, and blaming Him.

Patience. It’s hard.

Have you tried praying about it? Asking for help? It’s a game changer people. You can't do it all on your own all the time. So pray about it. Because you’re asking for a teammate in this crazy life of Momhood. A steadfast teammate. I did and I found that silly quote up there. But it spoke to me and stuck with me, and it’s been helping. Sometimes I end my day thanking God for the patience I had, and some days I’m begging Him to help me be more patient for the next. But I’m feeling His presence because I’m asking for His help.  

For those wondering, we did have a successful trip to Target after our Michael’s fiasco. That secret quote ran through my mind – it literally came across like one of those scrolling billboards in my head - When you’re tempted to lose patience with someone, think about how patient God has been with you. This Mommy took a break in the car. I realized we had been on the go 3 days in a row now and all Adelyn had requested to do today was “Play toys with Mommy.” So we reviewed our plan for the remainder of the day and agreed we could both do better at the next and LAST store. And play toys right after. And we did.

We aren’t perfect. There isn’t a perfect person out there or a perfect parent. With the popularity of social media today we all fall guilty of portraying a "perfect" life. Perfect mom, perfect wife, perfect kids, perfect toys, perfect house, perfect decor, perfect friend, perfect job, perfect style, perfect hobbies... Perfect doesn't exist. So stop searching for perfection. Reach for qualities like patience, determination, strength, love, hard work, effort, kindness, thoughtfulness, forgiveness, trust. Pray for those qualities in yourself and those around you. Perfect people, perfect parents, don't exist. But there are millions and millions of good ones out there! People who want to be good and see good and teach good and feel good. Moms, be patient with yourselves, and your kids, and life. And forgive yourself in those not so great Mom moments, the ones you would NEVER share on IG or Facebook. Recognize that we all have our moments, our days, where we just want to shout (or do shout): “I’M DONE!” Forgive yourself like your child does, like our God does. And then be willing to stop and listen. And ask for help every once in awhile. It doesn’t make you weak, it keeps you sane! 

Tomorrow is a new day. Always we begin again. – Saint Benedict

Meet back here on Friday around nap time. I'll be sharing how we finally participated in the #promotegrace movement!

-Kelly

Tis the Season for Traditions.

Guys!! Wow! I checked the stats on my last post and I am completely floored! For how nervous and fearful I was to jump into the blogging world with a lifestyle/religious mixture, y'all made it worthwhile and melted away all that doubt I originally had. (And my Momma hasn't even read the first post yet!) 

I think clicking that "post" button will always give me a little bit of anxiety because it's my way of agreeing to open up my opinion, my voice, and my thoughts to whoever is reading: "Here you go strangers, friends, family, acquaintances... judge me!" Being vulnerable is a scary thing. And maybe some of the views my post received were critical, my hope is that the majority enjoyed it. Grew from it. Questioned themselves. Or felt encouraged. Here's to happy hoping! And to having Faith (one of those F words of mine!) in my little voice reaching someone out there in Internet land. 


So tis the season y'all!

Through the hustle and bustle, I have been trying to figure out what Christmas traditions I want to create and continue with my family. It wasn't until this year that the weight of this task really showed itself. Christmas traditions? Sheesh those are easy! I can bake some cookies and ice those suckers left and right handed! Done! We can watch The Grinch until we script it in our sleep! Pandora stations? Check! Tree? Decorations? Yep! Christmas crafts? Games? Thanks Pinterest! Trip to see Santa? She was a pro!

But what about CHRISTmas traditions?

*crickets*

When you realize YOU are responsible for ministering to your child.... for teaching him/her about the meaning of Christmas. Yikes. That's a big weight on your shoulders as a parent. At least for me, because I tend to go off the deep end when it comes to worrying, and I'm already worrying about future Christmas, like say Christmas 2030, when my daughter is 16 and hates my opinion on any and everything.

How do I do that? How do I make Jesus the big part of Christmas without pushing my daughter away from Him? How do I make Him the celebration, when so many others are trying to push Him out of the holiday? How do I celebrate Christmas when it's frowned upon to say "Merry Christmas" anymore? How do I explain the Christmas Story to a 2-year old?

Easy. Give it to God. Ask for help. Pray about it. And get down to their level of understanding.

I realize I can't make my daughter believe or follow Him. But I can encourage and teach and show and answer and pray and love her through. Maybe my daughter will struggle with believing in the future years to come. I'll admit, I did. I've walked away from God too many times to count, but yano what? Our God is forgiving. And I'm grateful for that, because I keep coming back.


So what traditions are we excited to try this year to keep focused on God? And before I go on, I realize these traditions will likely not be as interesting/magical for her in the years to come. BUT they are a great starting place to introduce Jesus, learn His story, and ignite curiosity and questions.* 

-Books. I don't force them. Her everyday books (Dr. Seuss, Llama Llama, Goodnight Moon, Brown Bear) are all intermingled together with Christmas books both classics and Christian (The Night Before Christmas, The Story, Rudolph, The Stable, Christmas in the Manger). We read every Christmas book that we unpacked the very first night, and the one I've read the most since that night is The Christmas in the Manger.

-Music. We Pandora it up throughout the day. And within the last month our stations have either been Phil Whickman (Mommy's music) or Mickey Mouse Holiday. She knows the words to Jingle Bells, One Thing Remains, Forever Reign, The Stand, and We Wish You a Merry Christmas.

-The Nativity Scene. We will be visiting family for Christmas and my parents have an incredible Nativity Scene that we will play with and talk about.

-Giving/Helping Others. There are SO many options for this! I'm hoping to go more in depth on this tradition in another post next week. But we made it a point once we became parents to follow through with this, especially during the holidays. The first 2 years we did the Angel Tree and this year we participated in Operation Christmas Child.

-12 Days of Christmas. This can tie in with the giving tradition. We aren't doing 12 Days of Christmas this year since our little family is apart this Christmas, but it's something I would like to start next year.

-Making Church our Routine. "Church is on Sunday." She knows the routine. She knows she gets to grab a doughnut after. Maybe one day she'll decide she doesn't want to go, and it won't be forced on her. But until then I'll make it an enjoyable time and part of our weekly schedule.

-Attitude. Promote grace. Promote kindness. Show love. Happiness. Thankfulness. Be blessed. Share those blessings with others.

-Celebrating Jesus' Birthday. I remember doing this as a kid with my parents. My mom would make cupcakes or cookies or pancakes on Christmas morning and after opening our presents we would sing Happy Birthday to Jesus, complete with a candle.



I love the idea of Santa and know he is part of the Christmas celebration and he will be a part of ours, but I  want to also keep our Christmas as Christ focused as we can because that's what we believe. John 3:16-17.

So share with me! What are some favorite childhood traditions? What traditions will your family use to celebrate Jesus? I'd love to know! (And steal your ideas ;) )

He said, "Above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don't believe in magic will never find it." -Ronald Dahl

So what is today's favorite F word? Fun. Fun in the sense of traditions. Of celebration. Of the magic Christmas holds. Not just with Santa and his 8 flying reindeer, but also in the magic of the birth of Jesus our Savior. See you Tuesday! 

-Kelly

Taking a Leap.

Well 3rd time's a charm... right? That's right. Back at it again in the blogging world, but let me tell ya I'll be talking at a little more deeper level this go around. 

First things first -- Let's dissect the blog name. FWordsAreMyFavorite. Catchy right? I'm guessing 90% of you immediately thought of the "no-no" F word.....
Don't deny it! Pervs.

I chose this name because of how powerful a lot of F words can be. I mean come on, when you throw f*** into a sentence your emotions are heightened, your heart may beat a little faster, and its kind of like the trump cuss word in all of cuss word land. Like in rock-paper-scissors. Paper beats rock, scissors beats paper... but throw in that secret grenade and it's a game changer! You become the high power! F*** yeah! F*** you! No f***ing way! Totally crushes the other words.

........But obviously my blog isn't going to be about the word f***. It's going to focus on a few more powerful F words that have grown, strengthened, and really guided me to where I am today. 

Faith.
Family. 
Failure.
Friendship.
Fun.
Fear.

Some of you are probably thinking, alright can we get back to the word f***? So much more exciting.

Here's a little background info as to why I'm branching back out into the blogging world ---

I have really been feeling a push lately. Something tugging at my heart, whispering in my head (promise I'm not loony), just keeping persistent and reminding me of His presence......... 
God. 

I haven't felt Him speak to me this strongly in a long time, probably because of life altogether - work, a husband, a kid, meals, something to clean, something to do, working out, visiting family, etc... these last 2 years there was ALWAYS something going on, an excuse to skip church, not pray, and when there wasn't an excuse I pulled the "I just need a day of nothing" card. Life really has a way of getting in your own way with your faith and making you too busy to make time for Him. But I learned a little saying in my MOPS group a few weeks back "If the devil can't make you angry, he'll make you busy." How true! And over the last month or so our messages on Sundays have been about our relationship with God -- not the relationship you think you have, or want to have, or portray but don't quite follow through with -- but the relationship you TRULY have with Him. When you strip back all the layers, the excuses, the "buts, and the "maybe laters"... for most of us, it's not a relationship worth bragging about. And for me personally, I'm not okay with that. 

I can say within the last year my relationship with God has improved, but my life altogether has changed. I'm no longer working, which opens up my schedule quite a bit -- but yano, maybe that was His plan all along? To allow me an opportunity to stay home, to have an open schedule, to seek activities like MOPS as a break from the everyday, and to grow in my faith. 

I've had this little blurb typed up on my phone for about 2 weeks now and I've hesitated to share it because of another powerful F word I listed above. Fear. Fear of criticism, fear of eye rolls, fear of backlash, fear of debates, fear of feeling I am condescending, fear of opinions, fear of my words seeming small and unimportant, so much fear. I could have ended it all by deleting the blurb, but I've held onto it because of that persistence from Him. And today, after hearing a testimony this morning in my MOPS group, I decided to take the leap. Not particularly for any reason, but more for myself. Because for the next step in my faith journey I would like to be more comfortable and confident in sharing about God and His power. I want to share how He is present in the most mundane tasks. The everyday. Maybe 2 people will read this, with one of them being my mom. Or maybe 42 people will read it. Maybe it will spark someone's interest to open a Bible, go to church, or look into what this MOPS group is (HIGHLY recommend Moms to look into this and find a way to bring it to your church!). Maybe it will make a "friend" on Facebook block me from their feed. I weighed all these maybes out and, well here I am. 

If you made it this far, this is my invite to you. Join me a couple times a week, I'll be focusing mainly on those favorite F words of mine, sharing the highs and lows of life and how God is working in mine, even in the smallest of ways. 

-Kelly