Life happened. Stress was overflowing. And I got a little overwhelmed.
To give a quick run-down, within the first 3 weeks of February I opened my own business (in-home daycare), had my identity stolen and battled/still battling fraud attempts, Ady got sick and I got the flu.
Life. Life and the surprise storms that spring up causing ripples of chaos, that sometimes lead to dark and powerful storms. Leading to you treading water and bracing for the next big wave to crash over you. Sometimes life happens so fast you don't even have enough time to stand and brace for the next wave because you're still shaking off the first one.
That's how I've felt these last few weeks. Just as I shake off the last wave of stress and frustration, I get knocked down by another, and another, and another. Another fraud attempt, more paperwork, germs, sickness, anger... leading to hate and anxiety and thinking: Why me?
And initially that's the only question that repeated through my thoughts. Why me? Why all of this at once? God fix this! I need You to fix this! But instead of Him waving a wand over my issues and *poofing* them away, I continued to be smashed by multiple waves...
But then I realized that the whys weren't as important as the whats and hows. What am I going to do? How am I going to handle it? What is God ultimately trying to teach me? Open your eyes and see that He is helping you. He was helping me all along, I just didn't stop and pay attention.
He helped me by keeping Ady healthy and flu-less. He helped me with Ady while I was sick, keeping her occupied, patient, and pleasant for 2 days while I was on the couch. He helped me when friends sent medicine, soup, and food to the house. He helped me by answering my prayers from months ago to be able to work from home. He helped me with each little hug and "I luh you Mommy" I've gotten from Ady these last few weeks. He's been helping me and been beside me throughout this storm, but I was too focused on my stress and problems that I didn't see what His answers were. He helped me by continuing to bless me with overall health, content, finances, a family, laughter, problems that are fixable and able to be overcome, another day....
Have you ever struggled with "reading" God's answers to our prayers. He doesn't answer our prayers in the way we would expect, or sometimes want Him to. He answers them in His time and according to His plan. So if you're struggling with something, stop, slow down, and take some time to reflect on blessings, small changes, an extra hand, a new friend... sometimes those little things are the answer.
We sang this song at church today and I cried at this verse:
There in the darkest night of the soul
There in the sweetest songs of victory
Your grace finds me
Yes Your grace finds me
Because in the middle of the song, the lead of the worship band paused to speak about how we so easily call on Him with our needs, I need you to fix my problems God. I need you in these darker times, the trying times, the times where I know I need Your help. But what about the times when things are good? Do we balance our relationship with Him? Do we pray as often, do we praise and thank Him for the small victories when life is going "normal"? Or do we feel we don't need Him when life is "good". That we've got it all figured out.
This type of relationship is infantile. It's similar to a relationship we have with our children. It's unbalanced. It's a lot of one-sided wanting and needing. And I realize a lot of the time that's where I stand with God. Especially in these storms of life.
I plead, I want, I need, I take. I demand. I question. I'm impatient.
I remember my manners (thank you, God). But once things have settled down and I'm back in the calm and the norm, I have a tendency to not acknowledge His continued grace day in and day out.
So, now that this hectic month of February is winding down for me. I'll be making more of an effort to balance out my relationship. It's give and take. Praise Him, tithe to Him, pray to Him, speak about Him, spend time with Him, lean on Him DAILY. Not just in the midst of chaos. And when chaos starts to hit, continue to do all these things, but ultimately, trust in Him.
Phillipians 4: 6-7 "Don't worry about anything, instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus." F is for Faith.
-Kelly
